Little Known Fact #55

"Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire" (arch-duke-maxyenko) 10/28/2013 at 12:01 • Filed to: Little Known Facts

6

16

Sammy Hagar could only do 54 mph.

CalzoneGolem > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/28/2013 at 12:05

1

Even if you shot him out of a cannon?

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > CalzoneGolem 10/28/2013 at 12:06

1

Yes, his terminal velocity is 54 mph.

CalzoneGolem > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/28/2013 at 12:09

1

So, he could do 53 or 34?

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > CalzoneGolem 10/28/2013 at 12:11

0

Yes, but nothing over 54.00000

ATX211 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/28/2013 at 12:13

1

Although, when he drink's too much Cabo Wabo he has been known to take Joe Walsh's Maserati to 185. That is of course as long as Springsteen's Breast Cancer Awareness Cadillac doesn't get in the way and leave him Wrapped Up Like a Douche with Manfred Mann's Earth Band.

(Don't tell me that song was originally written and recorded by Bruce. I know. Manfred made the "Douche" version.)

CalzoneGolem > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/28/2013 at 12:14

2

55 is right out

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > ATX211 10/28/2013 at 12:16

0

That Maserati is capable of 185. Sammy Hagar is limited to 54, the Maserati, although a great car, can not break the laws of physics.

getchapopcorn > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/28/2013 at 12:20

1

Incorrect — Hagar was speaking in terms of relative velocity.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > getchapopcorn 10/28/2013 at 12:23

1

No no no. His terminal velocity in the whole universe is 54 mph. It is unwavering. It is known as the Speed of Hagar, or SOH for short.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/28/2013 at 12:24

1

What if you move the universe around Sammy Hagar's driving?

getchapopcorn > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/28/2013 at 12:26

1

My argument is corroborated by the original title, 'I can't drive 55[MPH faster than a passenger in my car]' which I just made up now.

Furthermore, there's recently been some new groundbreaking work on what Hagar could achieve when not driving. It makes for a good toilet read at the very least, you should check it out.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 10/28/2013 at 12:30

0

Well, this is known as the Hagar Paradox. Moving the universe around him would cause him to stop moving, but since he is bound to 54 mph, you can not move the universe around him.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > getchapopcorn 10/28/2013 at 12:32

0

I have discussed this with our fellow peers, and even when not in a car, he is bound to 54.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/28/2013 at 12:50

1

Well, if one posits a frame of reference according to Berra in which one does not know where one is going, one will not arrive there. This allows for a frame in which Sammy Hagar is going 54, but the motion of the universe prevents arrival at any point therein.

If such a frame of reference is "What", i.e. no place the traveler has ever heard of, Tarantino's theorem however permits arrival at a known place thereby, preferably one that speaks English. Therefore, the universe must be moved near Sammy Hagar, and he can then proceed at 54 to his destination.

The only problem therein is that it is postulated such a shift would cross the spacial Norris plane, and none may cross Norris and live.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 10/28/2013 at 12:52

0

Hence the Hagar Paradox, no matter how you would get there, the universe ceases to exist!

Jeremy > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 11/08/2013 at 23:40

0

I'm pretty sure he can ONLY go faster than 55. When he turns the key, he bends space-time and his trans-am is instantly doing 56 and only goes faster from there.